


Not Happening

by JacobandEvie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A lot of cursing, F/M, Getting Together, Lily kind of hates everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-18 21:58:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11883654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacobandEvie/pseuds/JacobandEvie
Summary: Lily Evans finally likes James Potter. If only everything was that easy. Rated for swearing only.





	Not Happening

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this tumblr post: http://fuckyeahjily.tumblr.com/post/137736836026/james-figures-out-that-lily-has-a-crush-on-him-and

The moment- nay, the very instant- Lily Evans realizes she’s falling head over heels for James Potter, she freezes. She’s brushing her teeth in the bathroom, shared between her and James in their Head dorms, watching her body stiffen in the mirror. Frozen, she holds the toothbrush still while her eyes widen in horror.

“Fuck No,” she whispers to herself.

Then everything speeds up, hyper speed almost, once she starts furiously brushing her teeth again. She had been thinking about how James really looks cute helping the younger kids, and what kind of dad would he be and that spiraled down to what would their kids look like and it turned out she didn’t hate the idea of having a kid with him as much as she thought she should. In fact, if anything, it had been making her smile until she caught herself.

“No, no, no, no. Absolutely not!”

Spitting out the extra, she rinses her mouth, wiping it on the back of her hand. She crouches down, right there in the bathroom, and pulls her hair in distress.

“Fuck no, no, NO! Why? Why is this happening to me? Bloody hell!”

“You ok in there Lily?” The bloody bastard himself calls out to her. “It’s not like you to curse this much, this early in the morning.”

It’s a sad fact that he does know that. Normally, she’s half asleep, hardly able to do anything more than get ready for the day, silently and exhaustedly.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself about,” she spats at him.

His next words are even more concerned though. “Are you sure? Did something happen?”

Fuuuckk, it’s just making it worse because now she just wants to bloody tell him that all his years of chasing her are finally worth it. And he’s not even asking her on dates anymore! Is this some cosmic irony for turning him down for the past six years?

She forces herself to take a deep breath and answer him calmly. “No, I’m fine. Sorry, guess I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“Ok, then could you hurry up because I have to go pee and get dressed and we don’t have much time.”

“James Potter, you prat. I’m getting out now.”

She leaves, closely the door behind her and locking it for good measure. She grabs her uniform, carefully pulling it on. What the bloody fuck? Even his voice is enough to make her feel lighter than air. She frowns at her feet, telling them that they’re staying firmly on the ground where they belong. She would not go crazy about James Potter.

But she does need to tell someone. Marlene, her best friend, would be downstairs soon. Breakfast will be the soonest she could get this off her chest, so Lily hurries brushing her hair and tying it up in her normal ponytail. She practically races down the stairs, careful not to knock into anyone, lest she ruin her Head Girl reputation. Once in the Great Hall, she slams herself down next to Marlene, across from Danielle Martin, the resident mentally unstable girl in the Gryffindor house.

Ignoring Danielle, Lily faces her best friend who’s giving her a concerned look. “Marlene, I have a serious problem.”

“How about you take a drink first?”

“There’s no time! Marlene, I think I’m in love with James.”

The other girl pauses then sips her drink. “You mean you’re just now figuring this out?”

“What? Of course I am! That’s why I’m panicking!”

“Lils, chill. The boy has liked you since he first laid eyes on you. Just wait until he next asks you out and say yes and it’ll all go fine. You’ll get married and have a million and one babies together.”

The redhead breathes deeply and presses the heels of her hands to her eyes. “That’s the problem. He isn’t asking me out! He hasn’t all year and it’s almost Christmas break!”

“Then you’ll just have to ask him out,” the other girl looks unperturbed.

“I can’t do that!”

“Of course you can. Just tell him you want to snog his face off, and then live happily ever after.”

“Marlene! Please be serious here!”

The brown haired woman gives her best friend a look. “I am, Lily. You’re panicking about nothing. It’s not like he’s had any other girlfriends to speak of. He’s super loyal, and he’s just trying to get your attention.”

“Well, it worked,” Lily said miserably, but calmer as she started putting breakfast on her plate. “I’ve noticed him alright.”

“Then you’re probably going to have to take matters into your own hands and tell him.”

“But-“

“Suck it up, buttercup. You’ve been turning him down for the past six years. It’s your turn.”

Lily sighs, unhappy that her best friend is right. Neither woman notices Danielle across from them, eyes clear and focused for the first time in a while. They both leave for class, soon enough, and the insane one started whispering to the friends beside her, the ones no one else could see.

“Did you hear that? Lily Evans has a thing for James Potter! I know we’ve been talking about it for a while, but I didn’t think it’d be so soon.” She nods as another imaginary voice comments something else. “I know, but I wonder how she’ll ask him out. James is as stubborn as she is. Maybe they’ll just have to snog.”

Little does she realize that Richard Thomas is standing behind her, listening to her whisper. He smirks to himself, then hurries off to his career counselling session with Professor States.

By lunch, the school is in as much chaos as it can be while still running with some sort of efficiency. Betting pools have been formed in all houses, and in almost all years. (Those poor first years have no idea why everyone seemed so excited about the Head Boy and Girl getting together. Sure it’s cute but isn’t this overkill?) Doug White from Ravenclaw had actually punched his best friend Lyle Paris in the mouth, demanding he cite his sources or his information was to be deemed false.

James overhears the whispers, withstands all the pointing and giggling in his general direction, and even witnesses first-hand Eileen Morris breaking up with her boyfriend Jacob. (“You can’t just read someone else’s private things, you bloody bastard!” “You said it was trash!” “Yeah private trash! FUCK YOU JAKE. WE’RE OVER!”) He spends all day intensely curious but no one sees fit to inform him until Elliot Ross comes up to him.

“So James, I heard from Jack who overheard it from Melina, who got it from Janice who heard it from Gina who eavesdropped in on Professor States telling Professor McGonagall that she overheard Richard telling Brella that he heard Danielle talking to herself after listening to Marlene and Lily that Lily Evans may or may not have a crush on you.”

“Really now.”

“Yes really, and she may or may not be inclined to take the first step in her affections.”

“Interesting,” James nods. “I’ll keep that in mind. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to run to the loo.”

James does not sprint to seclusion. Instead, he walks casually, nodding at groups of giggling girls and guys who are giving him thumbs up. He waits until he can lock himself in a bathroom stall, and silences the surrounding area and squeals like a third year, jumping around with his hands in the air.

“OH MY MERLIN! I FUCKING KNEW SHE’D COME AROUND! FUCK YES! MERLIN’S SAGGIEST Y FRONTS I’M SO BLOODY PUMPED!”

He pants for a moment.

“FUCK YES! BLOODY HELL I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR SIX AND A HALF BLOODY YEARS! SHE LIKES ME! SHE FINALLY LIKES ME BACK!”

Once he’s got some modicum of control over himself again, he scrambles for his mirror. Nearly yelling into it, soon all four Marauders are in the bathroom, which is locked and silenced for good measure.

“So, boys, I’m sure you all know why I’ve gathered you here today.”

Sirius claps him on the back loudly. “You’re finally gonna get laid!”

Remus and Peter laugh while James flushes and bats away Sirius’s hand. “No, you mangy mutt! Lily Evans has a crush on me.”

“Eh. Same thing really,” he replies with a shrug.

“So what are you going to do about it?” Remus asks, always the voice of reason.

James flounders for an answer. “I have no idea.”

“Obvious you can’t tell her you know,” Sirius starts, sounding important. “You know the rules. Never tell a girl you like her. It makes you look like an idiot.”

“Not that he hasn’t already done that for the entire time he’s known her,” Peter pitches in.

Three of the four boys howl with laughter, while James sulks, arms crossed. “Alright you bastards, so I’ve been pining a bit over her.”

“A bit! James in fourth year you turned the entire Great Hall hot pink and floated the words, “Will you go out with me, Evans?” above the professor’s table!” Sirius reminds him.

James huffs. “It was Valentine’s Day!”

“And in fifth, on her birthday you sent her two dozen bouquets of lilies and sunflowers to her room, suffocating everyone in there,” Remus adds.

“Sunflowers are her favorites!” James protests.

“And then last year you charmed birds to follow her around all day asking her out over and over again, which you explained was so she could answer them in case you weren’t around,” Peter finishes.

The bespectacled man looks a bit put out at the last one, but sighs loudly and dramatically. “Alright, you sods, you’ve made your point. BUT! We’re here to talk about how Lily Evans FINALLY returns my affections!”

“Right! So, Jamie, what you’ve got to do is wait of her,” Sirius explains, throwing an arm around his best mate. “She’s obviously not going to want to tell you immediately because _she’s_ not an idiot.”

“I mean, if she was going to tell me, she should have done it when she figured it out this morning,” James pouts. “She was cursing up a storm while she was brushing her teeth.”

“Really? You were there when she realized she was head over heels for you?” Remus asks, surprised.

Peter hurries to make the joke before Sirius can. “At least that explains why she was cursing.”

The boys all laugh again, even James chuckles along with them. Once they all settle down again, James leans forward.

“So, once she’s figured out that I know that she knows that she’s in love with me, we’ve got to wait and see how long it takes until she cracks and asks out me, the queen of her heart.”

“Ok, James, you can’t call yourself-“

“SHUT UP PETE!”

Meanwhile, four floors down and slightly to the right, Lily is approached by a Gryffindor second year named Ellie Bayes who is giggling wildly while all her friends egg her on.

“So, Lily, is it true you’ve kissed James?”

Lily drops the book she’s been trying to wedge into her knapsack. “Excuse me?”

“Because you like James Potter right? It’s all over the school.”

“What?” Lily stands there, open mouthed and flabbergasted that apparently, her secret is out all over the whole bloody school.

“Is it true?” presses Ellie.

“No it’s not true. If you’ll excuse me, I need to attend to other matters.”

The Head Girl makes a hasty escape to find her best friend and drag her into the girl’s bathroom, which is locked and silenced for good measure.

“BLOODY MERLIN’S SAGGIEST PANTS! HOW IN THE HELL HAS EVERYONE HEARD ABOUT THAT? FUCK THIS SHIT! FUCK! NOW HE KNOWS! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! HE KNOWS I LIKE HIS STUPID BLOODY FACE AND WHAT DO I DO?”

Marlene lets her go for a minute, then calmly reaches out and slaps her. Lily’s face swings to the side from the impact. She next attacks her shins for good measure, trying to get in just a couple of good kicks.

“Bloody hell Marlene! I’m having a melt down here!”

“Yeah I know, that’s why I slapped you.”

“I brought you in here to sympathize with me!”

“Then you better find yourself a new best friend because I’m here to get your head out of your ass. We talked about the plan.”

“No.”

Marlene gets in another good kick. “The plan, Lily. The plan.”

“I don’t think I can do it.”

She decides against kicking her again and settles on playfully (read: painfully) hitting her arm. “Woman up, Evans. It’s time to face the music.”

“Fine.” Lily stands tall and resolute. Marlene wonders if she can get a camera fast enough to capture what’s about to go down.

The two girls head back to class. Two more classes later and they’re done for the day. Drawing out the process means that Lily’s butterflies and nerves triple and then triple again when she’s actually faced with the prospect of snogging James Potter. Holy shit. She’s really going to do this.

Marlene tells her that Potter and his friends are currently en route to the common room and if they wanted less of an audience, then she better get her ass up to the Charms corridor.

“OI POTTER!” Lily’s voice rings out, stopping everyone, including the man in question, who swings around, straight faced.

“WHAT, EVANS?”

“I’M WANNA SNOG YOUR FACE OFF!”

“SO DO I!”

“THANK BLOODY MERLIN FOR THAT!”

No more than thirty minutes later, everyone in the school gathers in the Great Hall, hours before dinner time. Money changes more hands than anyone can keep track of and the noise of the hall is louder than the welcoming feast. James and Lily sit side by side at the Gryffindor table. She’s red faced and looking everywhere except the man sitting next to her, while he is just as red faced and grinning like a mad man. Everyone sees them holding hands under the table.

Professor Dumbledore stands and clears his throat. “I’m sure not too many of you are wondering why we’re having this assembly. It would stand to reason that we need to revisit some rules of the school. First, however, I would like to congratulate Miss Evans and Mr. Potter on their new relationship and thank them for helping me win ten galleons from Professor Slughorn.”

Lily groans and buries her face in her currently unoccupied arm. Everyone one else laughs, while several other winners cheer.

“On that note however, we must remind all students that romantic relations are not appropriate in the corridors or classrooms. Please refrain from such activity until you are in private. This is also a reminder that the Amorous Monitors are active in the entire school and will deliver a surprise in case you decide to test their limits.

“Our next reminder is specifically for Misters Black, Lupin and Pettigrew, but also applies to the whole school. It is inappropriate to hand buttons to the first years that flash ‘Evans and Potter are doing it’ though I would like to commend you on your spell work.”

Sirius stands and bows, grinning with all the laughter as he takes his seat. Beside him, Peter flushes a bright red, but laughs with everyone else, while Remus merely grins mischievously at Lily who is giving him a death glare.

Dumbledore continues. “I hope future romantic relationships are a bit quieter and less disruptive when they begin. And once again, congratulations to Miss Evans and Mr. Potter. You are all dismissed.”

Everyone files out, laughing and good natured. Several people come up to them, patting James on the back for finally getting the girl while other ask Lily what finally made her change her mind. The black haired man eats up the attention, telling everyone that he knew it would work out one day, while his red headed girlfriend ignores everyone.

Finally, though, even the Marauders file out, Lily and Marlene newly added to the group. James hasn’t let go of Lily’s hand since they snogged in the corridor, like he’s not sure he can believe what’s happening. She just leans into him, trying to hide her blush.

They barely make it out of the Great Hall before they run into Professor McGonagall.

“Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, and Mr. Pettigrew. I certainly hope that you will be cleaning up those buttons before classes start tomorrow morning.”

“Of course, Minnie, dearest,” Sirius flourishes. “Anything for you.”

“And Miss Evans, Mr. Potter, I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that both rooms of the Head Dorm also have an Amorous Monitor that I should hope never goes off.”

Both parts of the couple flush a deep red that leaves their friends busting a gut. Even McGonagall’s mouth twitches up into a smile.

“And congratulations. Like Professor Dumbledore, I was the lucky winner against Professor States.”

With that she walks away, leaving the new couple a red the rivals Lily’s hair and four friends panting for breath.

“Even McGonagall! Priceless! I can’t wait to tell your kids about this,” Sirius jokes, wiping a tear from his eye. “The looks on your faces.”

“We don’t have kids yet, Sirius,” Lily states, pushing the other boy aside to head back to her dorm, James in hand.

However, Marlene latches onto the damning part of that sentence. “So that means we can expect some coming along soon?”

“No! I’m just saying we don’t have kids that Sirius can talk to right now.”

“So there’s hope for the future then! Prongs, you may very well get laid yet!”

James accepts his best friend’s high five with a laugh. Lily groans and questions why she thought she liked him in the first place.

“There’s no backing out of it now,” Remus tells her. “Better just accept it.”

“Yeah, I knew when I got him I got the whole lot of you.”

“Of course you did!” Sirius interjects. “It’s like a multi-person relationship! Even Marlene can be included!”

“No, thank you. I’ll leave the weirdness to just you five,” the other woman quickly rejects.

The group walks away, still laughing and joking with one another. Through it all, and later, all through dinner and back up to their dorm room, James never lets go of Lily’s hand and she doesn’t try to pull away.


End file.
